The Untitled Newsletter
Sometimes, you just gotta hit send
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This newsletter started with me writing this poem :
Working Title : The Artist's Guide
I see myself materialize before my eyes
Cheesecloth, lavender, a wooden chair, and painter’s tape
My colors and textures show me who I am becoming
They guide me into myself
Physically we interact
Touch, smell, sound, and sight
Holding the souls of those who made them
Together we make me, me
Words, gesso, dirt, food, and clay
When will I stop seeing myself through objectification
The answer is obvious
I am the object of my affection
I always have beenI don’t know if I have anything more productive to say other than sharing this poem. I’ve had this newsletter drafted for almost a week now. I felt more connected to the words above than the words around how the poem came to be, which was the direction of the first draft. Feeling like I need to explain myself less and less these days.
What I want to say is that I’m feeling so appreciative of this life, how it materializes, and how beauty is found in the unexpected. I didn’t know writing was something I was “good at” or that I would even care about in any way enough to make my words public.
I love that I can sit down with one line penetrating my thoughts and a free flow can come from it. That it’s a mainline to what’s going on for me. The words I write come to me in such a direct way that speaking holds no candle to it sometimes.
I love that I can be on the journey with myself and be comfortable and confident enough now to share openly. And I think what I produce is actually not half bad….actually fuck that. Fuck trying to minimize myself and my abilities. I’m GOOD at this dude.
All I truly want in sharing is for you to see that you can do this shit for yourself too. It sucks and it’s hard, but strengthening my containers for the uncomfortable has made the effervescence of life so much easier to embrace. The good is actually the hardest to hold and only through facing The Darkness can we strengthen that container to appreciate the good. Yin Yang, babyyyy.
Personally: Working on a new practice in my inner child work, seems to be working but I won’t share until I have some more time with this practice. But let’s just say it’s… game-changing right now!
Art: Really embracing everything, everywhere, in-process all around me. Working on 2 paintings, a plaster tapestry, a book, a couple of creative writing projects, a rug, weeding, fresh floral arrangements from the yard, and making some yummy bone broth.
Work: I don’t know if this is a relevant category here anymore. I’ll see after a couple more weeks. Really focusing on what’s in front of me and not trying to white knuckle a ‘career’ that may just not be for me. More to be revealed.
Purpose: Learning more and more about guiding and not giving advice. Sometimes I give passive advice by sharing my life experiences, which leads to oversharing and generally yucky vibes. —— This was from the last newsletter, Gratitude Can Suck It. Great reminder, gonna keep it here.
None! hahah no longer pretending that I’m going to work on doing something that doesn’t feel authentic to me right now. I will do workshops again, I don’t know when. I trust that everything has its time.
Thank you, you mean more to me than you know,
Alex