how to spend thanksgiving alone without being lonely
(maybe)
as someone who has lived far away from family for most of my adult life, i intimately know the stickiness of being alone for holidays.
i mean this year, i’ve been deprived of intimate face-to-face human connection so much so that i was feeling homesick on fourth of july and veterens day. felt strange to be lonely on minor holidays but just was. it comes with the territory of deciding to uproot my life and move to a place where i know no one. building friendships and building a family here takes time. i’m committed to the time that it takes, the process just sucks sometimes ya know.
anyway here are some things i’ve learned in my many moons on how to make being alone on a holiday moderately bearable.
get into the holiday spirit before the holiday - i love an avoidance moment. it makes sense to me to ignore that the holiday is happening to feel like it isn’t happening. i’m always left feeling bummed that i didn’t allow myself to get into the spirit on the day of. i love holidays, i love the anticipation of the holiday, that’s most of it for me, so i really don’t want to rob myself of this experience. anyway, i started cooking parts of my meal yesterday which feels nice.
facetime - call a best friend when you wake up(bestie becka i’m comin at ya bright and early)
connect with self - whatever you gotta do just do it but pleeeeasee GET OUT OF THE HOUSE TO DO THIS. isolation is not the vibe here.
connect to community outside of friends and family - i’m in a 12-step program so having meetings available to me on triggering days has been helpful to me. but the main point is connecting to a group of people you feel safe with OUTSIDE of interpersonal relationships.
distracting projects to do - luckily thanksgiving has a focus(it’s food in case you didn’t know). pouring most of the day’s energy into cooking is key here. if you don’t cook idk what to tell ya. make a craft! a hand turkey could work nicely here haha. maybe consider volunteering?
IF YOU’RE NOT COOKING - fancy hotel restaurants usually have a multiple-course meal for guests. i’ve made going to the standard the point of focus for the day, getting dolled up and making a date about it.
over-stimulation - i lean on this to get out of my head sometimes. cooking while doing an art project while listening to music while cleaning at the same time. sounds like a lot, but i’m pretty sure i have add so this structure works for me.
facetime for desert - call a friend who is hosting dinner and be a part of their dinner party and socialize (my friend austin hosts fabulous dinner parties with a variety of guests so i’m excited to see who i will meet here)
safely incorporate family - i’m probably going to call my family either in the morning or while they’re all together and be a part of the tradition of expressing gratitude before the meal.
make time to connect with an animal - jacques will be getting his own meal for tgives. if this makes me a crazy cat lady I DON’T CARE. this cat deserves so much for all he has kept me company through, including our special dinner.
eat a lot, check out and watch a comforting movie/show - good job alex you survived another lonely holiday!
what i’ve learned about being alone on the holidays is it sucks to feel it sucking. it causes unnecessary stress to avoid the fact that it’s happening. and if everyone seeks comfort on the holidays to begin with, i’m going to feel it but supercharged. i don’t want to get depressed about it. it’s okay if i do, but i’m trying not to. these things have helped me along my journey, i hope they help you.
what i’m working on this week :
personally : feeling very good at how honest i’m getting with my relationship to money, i see this shifting for me in the next couple of months and feel very excited about that.
work : i’m taking on freelance(open to full-time) copywriting work so if you know anyone who’s looking for a copywriter send them my way! i specialize in seo content/blogging, product copy(product descriptions, website copy, etc), and press releases.
purpose : i never thought i had enough wisdom to create a ‘how to’ guide for anything and on the flip side i always thought i had enough wisdom to create a ‘how to’ but the former stopped the latter from happening. i have a deep intuitive knowing about things and when i share them the world opens up around me. i will continue.
events i have coming up :
a workshop with creative mornings on december 12th about building self trust through art exploration! it’s live! you can sign up, and please do.
friend share :
one of my dear friends, becka olson (aka becka.dots), hosts a monthly literary open mic in brooklyn. she started self-publishing a zine that compiles the art expressed in her open mics. please support her in any way you can. pre-sale of issue 2 is happening now.
my friend bradford’s band just came out with a new song, listen and support!
thank you so very much, you mean more to me than you know
-alex